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Are You Making People Uncomfortable at Socials?

This week’s tip is called “Don’t Hover.”

When you go out to dance salsa or bachata at a social the goal is to meet new people and enjoy some dances.

But if you make people uncomfortable none of that is going to happen. They’re going to distance themselves from you.

So how do you know if you’re making people uncomfortable at a salsa or bachata social?

Are you making people uncomfortable?

If you’ve ever wondered this or if you’ve noticed people avoiding you, here’s what might be happening…

The key here is awareness. Once you’re aware of what’s causing undesirable results, you can change your behaviour.

In this case we’re talking about “hovering” — being overly attentive or desperate towards someone you wish to dance with.

Hovering can create uncomfortable situations and might denote a sense of desperation or insecurity. Many times, those that are being “hovered over” may react by distancing themselves, which inadvertently compounds the hoverer’s insecurities and so perpetuates the cycle.

If you think you may have been hovering, the ideal outcome is that you become aware of it and can resolve any issues that might be causing you to do so. This change eventually benefits the social dance community and facilitates natural and enjoyable interactions.


Key Takeaways

  • Hovering over someone during a social activity, such as salsa or bachata socials, creates a sense of discomfort and can lead to a feeling of desperation from the person doing the hovering.
  •  This desperation is usually rooted in deeper insecurities and it’s important to consult with a trusted individual (or therapist) to address these feelings.
  • A fight-or-flight response can be produced in the person being hovered over, often leading them to avoid the person demonstrating this behavior.
  • Unnatural interactions are produced when people feel uncomfortable, impossible to enjoy, leading to people avoiding the person causing that feeling.
  • Addressing the issue causing feelings of desperation will lead to better and more natural interactions in social dance environments, as well as improving the overall social experience for everyone

If you think you might be hovering (a lot of us have as nervous beginners), then try to become aware of it and adjust your behaviour.

Making people feel comfortable will lead to new connections and more invites to dance.

Have fun out there!