How to Get Asked to Dance More

For this week’s salsa tip I’m going to respond to a question that Jill left on one of our other videos:

“What can a woman do to increase her chances of being asked to dance? I
find myself standing around a lot, sometimes with plenty of guys around who aren’t dancing.”

Very humorously “LeGrande blonde avec fits” (in french) responded:

Smile and look friendly. If you have a bored, mysterious secret-agent face
that came here to meet the contact instead of a dance, then you’d have to wait for either Daniel Craig or Tom Cruise to show up. And that is very unlikely to happen.

So that’s kinda funny and very true. I feel that there’s things that are within our control and things that are not within our control and I’d rather focus on the things that can be controlled.

For instance, you can always ask somebody to dance. And, yes, you could take care of making sure that you you look approachable, your arms aren’t folded across your chest, you’re not hiding in the corner with a scowl etc. as mentioned above.

But I’m going to take a little bit of a different approach and I’m going to draw a parallel to when I first started teaching salsa and that was how can I get more people in my classes.

Do you deserve a dance?

I started with one student and I understood that if I couldn’t take care of that one student then I didn’t deserve another.

If I couldn’t take care of two students then I didn’t deserve another.

So, instead of feeling defeated with only one student and cancelling my classes, I kept my classes running regardless of whether there was one, two, or three students, even if it was at a cost to me.

Then, what I made sure I did is I took care of my one, two or three students the best I could. By doing that my student base started to grow.

So, I would draw the same parallel to when you’re dancing.

You can ask somebody to dance and when you are dancing take care of that partner as best you can. Be a good partner. That includes things like being pleasant, knowing what you’re doing, as well being able to social dance.

Ultimately, if you feel good to your partner they will ask you again.

Once you’re on the floor, other dancers can see how you dance, that you’re enjoying the company of your dance partner and that you know what you’re doing. That goes a long way.

I’ve often heard women complain saying that the younger more attractive girls get asked to dance. I’m not going to deny that that happens, but what about the repeat dances?

If somebody doesn’t feel good and they haven’t taken the time to learn how to do this dance then it doesn’t matter if they’re beginner or intermediate, hot or not — we won’t ask them to dance again. If they’re enjoyable to dance with, you can bet we will.

So there’s no magic pill.

It’s just a matter of putting the time in, learning, going out, being sociable, being approachable and also not hesitating to approach others for a dance.

I hope that gives a little bit of direction on the things that we can control as opposed to the things that we can’t.

Feel good for your partners and everything is going to go just fine.

Reflect, focus on what’s in your control and always be improving.

That’s a recipe for success and others will notice.